Gone Too Far
by SVUlover
Summary: After Toby walks away from her, instead of going home, Spencer follows a dark hooded figure into an alley, wanting to end the whole thing. But when A takes it too far, harms Spencer in disgusting ways, will the end be in sight? Will her friends, will Toby be able to help hold her together? Spoby centric story. Contains content triggering for some, please read at own risk.
1. Chapter 1

_Title: Gone Too Far _  
><em>Summary: After Toby walks away from her, instead of going home, Spencer follows a dark hooded figure into an alley, wanting to end the whole thing. But when A takes it too far, harms Spencer in disgusting ways, will the end be in sight? Will her friends, will Toby be able to help hold her together? Spobycentric story. May contain content triggering for some, read at own risk.<br>_

_Author's note: This chapter contains scenes that may be triggering for some. Please read at own risk.  
><em>

_I wrote this up in about an hour this morning, the idea came to me last night. Please read and let me know what you think. _

_-Jen_

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><p><strong>Chapter One<br>**

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><p>In the moments after Toby walks away from her, she's angry. Some things never change, do they? That's what he's best at, walking away, running away. He couldn't just suddenly tell her that he can't be what he had been, could he? He can't just take away the open communication, can't take away all that they had. If he did, what would they be? Who would they be? Who would <em>she<em> be, if she didn't have him to fall back on?

Reaching up to her face, Spencer angrily wipes away the tears that had rolled down her cheeks, the tears that couldn't even make him stay. She knows that she should go back inside, they were there to support Ezra, and by relation, Aria. But the thought of going and pretending, smiling, talking...it was so unappealing. Letting out a sigh, Spencer rubs her eyes. As she puts her hands down, she sees movement in her peripheral vision and turns to see it.

Her heart goes still, blood goes cold. Standing at the corner of the building, about to go down the alley, is a figure dressed all in black. A black hoodie, drawn up around their face tells Spencer what she needs to know, but further, the person is standing there, looking at her, as though telling her they're waiting. It's A, one of Alison's minions. She stands there, staring back for a moment. She knows that it would be stupid to go after them alone, but at that moment all she can think about is ending this. Could it be this easy? End it all, and then she and Toby can be normal again. And so she goes, slow at first, but then the person darts down the alley, and she starts to run.

"Stop!" She shouts, knowing it's no use, her legs moving faster after them. In the alley, there's no sign of them, and Spencer moves slowly, looking for any sign of movement. Her heart was beating fast, but it stops once again when she feels a hand on her shoulder. For a moment she's frozen, before she slowly turns, face to face with the hooded black figure. A million things go through her mind, before she remembers she should grab the person, unhood them, finally get some answers. She moves to do just that, but A is ahead of her, a fist connecting hard with her face, knocking her to the ground amongst some bags of trash, probably remodeling stuff from Ezra's project. She'd put her hands out to catch herself, and she feels as something sharp pierces one hand, pain pushing through her body, but she doesn't let out a sound, doesn't try to look at it.

A is above her, and Spencer takes note, this is definitely a male figure. "What do you want?" She says, shaking her head. "I don't have anything."

Instead of leaving, though, the hooded black figure reaches into a pocket of the hoodie, and pulls out a knife, which he holds up, a silent warning. A lump in her throat, Spencer doesn't move, as she asses her chances. She could swing her leg out, kick him and try to run. But before she can even more, A has knelt to the ground. He's so close, she could just reach out, end this. Before she can do anything else though, A is reaching out with his knife. He doesn't cut her, but her dress, stabbing between her legs and dragging down.

"What are you doing?" She croaks, her stomach clenching as A keeps on. Spencer finally has a horrible thought of what he could be doing when he drags a finger down her now exposed leg, and it registers he'd taken the black leather gloves off. "Please," she finds herself saying, shaking her head, trying to back away, realizing that she's up against a wall. Cornered. "No," Spencer says, shaking her head, "Please, please just go!"

But he doesn't. She tries to fight, tries to run, but fails at every attempt, only resulting in the hooded man being angrier, rougher. At some point, Spencer stops trying to fight, because her body aches and she knows it'll just be worse. She makes herself shut down as the man violates her, as she feels the knife slide across her skin a few times. Spencer isn't sure how much time elapses from start to finish, but eventually he gets off of her, stands over her. He eventually moves away, and Spencer thinks maybe he's gone.

She sees a light appear near her head, and her eyes move towards it, it's her phone. It had fallen from her pocket when she fell. She can see it's a text message, from Toby.

_I'm sorry. Can we please talk?_

She shuts her eyes as the phone goes dark again, a few tears rolling down her face, and that's when the man appears above her again. He raises his hand back, and she wonders what he's doing, but then her head hurts, it hurts so badly, and it's easier to just give into the darkness, slip away.

A part of her hopes she won't wake up.

xXxXx

The following day was cold, a chill in the air that was colder than normal for March. Ezra hadn't wanted to deal with cleanup the night before, and so he'd come in early in the morning, needing to clean everything up so they could open on time. Aria had offered to come help, but he'd told her not to worry about it, to get some rest.

Armed with two bags of trash, he pushes through the back door, into the alley where the dumpster was. Lifting the bags up and over, he realizes there's still a bunch of bags on the ground, from the renovation. Sighing, he bends down, grabbing two of those and dumping them in the dumpster, going back for more, though he stops. Removing the bags had revealed legs.

"Oh my God," Ezra mutters, grabbing more, pushing the trash out of the way, only to stop in his tracks when he uncovers the person. "Spencer," He mutters, the vision of his former student, of his girlfriend's best friend making his blood go cold, his stomach churn. He sees a few people walking by, a few cars, as the town starts to wake up, and he tears his eyes from Spencer, shouting, running towards them because his phone was inside. "Someone help!" He shouts. "Someone call 911, someone's been attacked!"


	2. Chapter 2

_Title: Gone Too Far _  
><em>Summary: After Toby walks away from her, instead of going home, Spencer follows a dark hooded figure into an alley, wanting to end the whole thing. But when A takes it too far, harms Spencer in disgusting ways, will the end be in sight? Will her friends, will Toby be able to help hold her together? Spobycentric story. May contain content triggering for some, read at own risk.<br>_

_Author's note: Thank you so much for your positive feedback on the first chapter. Here's number two, and I've gotten started on three already :) Please let me know what you think and any ideas you may have, I'm always open to suggestions!  
><em>

_-Jen_

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<br>**

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><p>After it had happened, she'd come to a few times as the hours had dragged on. Each time, she tried to scream, tried to move, but she couldn't find her voice, and gosh, was she in pain. In the dark, through hazy eyes, she can see the stairs leading up to Toby's loft. He wasn't in there, he'd gone off into town somewhere when he walked away. Spencer finds herself wondering where his is now. She sees her phone light up when she's awake multiple times, but she doesn't have the energy to reach her phone, and after a while she passes out again, wondering if this is how she'll die, in a pile of garbage in an alley.<p>

When she comes to again sometime later, she's no longer on the ground among garbage, but on something soft, and there's a blanket wrapped around her. The sky is now light around her, and she can hear sirens, the movement of people. "Spencer," A voice says, a familiar voice, and her eyes move all over, looking for it, and then Ezra is looking down at her. "Spencer, it's going to be ok," He says. "They're going to bring you to the hospital, I-I'm going to call Aria, she'll contact your mom. It's going to be ok." Her mom. She was away, just like her dad. In London, with Melissa. A long flight away.

She shuts her eyes again, because the light hurts and she's so tired and she feels him take her hand. It seems strange. Once upon a time, she'd thought he was their enemy. She'd thought he was A. And now she's almost kind of grateful that he's there, because he's a familiar face.

Ezra gets into the ambulance with her when they ask if he wants to go. He doesn't think about the shop he's supposed to open, he just does. He holds her hand, because she doesn't pull it away and he wants her to know someone is there. He struggles over the thought, but if this were Aria...he'd want someone to be there. With his free hand he texts Aria, since he can't call during the ride. He tries to word it in a way that won't scare her, but knows it's impossible, and so he settles with '_911, meet me at ER...Spencer hurt_.'

xXxXx

Toby yawns, walking into the Rosewood police station. He hadn't gotten any sleep last night, he hadn't gone home. He'd driven around aimlessly, texting Spencer every so often, never getting any reply. Having his uniform in his truck, he was able to just go in, still no word from Spencer.

He'd regretted what he'd done as soon as he'd done it, had regretted walking away even has he turned from her. It went against everything inside of him, to turn and walk away from her while she was crying, crying because of him. He hadn't meant to scare her, grab her like that, it had just happened as he tried to get her to stop talking.

Sitting at his desk, Toby sighs. The way she had looked at him...he hated himself for it. And gosh, what she had said, it killed him. '_You told me once that I could tell you anything._' He had said that. Toby had told her that she could tell him anything, and that he would never think any less of her. And he had meant it, she called him her safe place to land and he had vowed to himself that he would live up to that. He knew what it was like to feel like you had nobody, to feel like you couldn't be yourself.

"Cavanaugh, let's go," Detective Tanner says with a sigh. "Apparent sexual assault, there's others going to the scene, you're with me. We're going to the hospital to interview the victim."

Toby nods, getting up from his desk. Following Tanner out to the car, he checks his phone again, but there's still no answer from Spencer, just a missed call from Caleb two minutes ago. Not wanting to argue with him, and not being able to at that moment, Toby ignored the call. As the detective begins to drive to the hospital he types out another message.

_Spencer, please talk to me. I'm sorry, we need to talk, please?_

"What do you know?" Toby finally asks his superior, putting his phone back in his pocket.

"Not much," Tanner says, heading for the hospital. "All the responders told us was female, 16-20, suspected sexual assault. Found in an alley, outside of a coffee shop,"" She informs him, pulling into the ER entrance, parking. Toby nods, getting out of the cruiser and falling into step beside Tanner, into the hospital.

"How can we help you?" The nurse at the desk says, looking up when Tanner flashes her badge.

"We received a call about a suspected sexual assault victim," Tanner tells her. "A girl, 16-20?"

"Oh yes, Doctor Ross is in trying to examine her, you can have a seat and I'll let them know you're here," She says.

Tanner thanks her, and Toby follows her into the waiting room to the side. He sees a group of people in the corner, and his brow furrows. "Caleb?" He asks. Caleb turns around, and Toby sees Hanna, Emily, and Aria, their faces all upset, concerned. Ezra sits beside Aria, holding her hand, while Caleb has his hand on Hanna's back in a show of comfort, and all three girls are holding hands.

"Toby," Caleb says, but Emily stands up, going over to him.

"What's going on, what're you all doing here?" Toby asks. "Where's Spencer?"

"Toby," Emily says, her voice breaking as she reaches him. "Spencer...Spencer's the one you're here for," She says after a few tries, opening and closing her mouth.

Toby's brow furrows. "What do you mean, she's the one I'm here for?"

"We don't know what happened, but Ezra, he...he was cleaning up from the party last night, and he found Spencer. Outside of The Brew," Emily tells him. "They won't let us see her, and Aria, she called her parents and left a message, but they're in London so we don't know when they'll get here or even get back to us."

As Emily goes on, things start to fall together. Toby recalls what Tanner had said. Female, 16-20, found in an alley outside of a coffee shop. "No," He mutters, realizing what she means, what this means. "No, no..."

Suspected sexual assault.

"Where is she?" Toby demands of Emily, of Caleb, the others, but none of them have an answer. He has to see that this is all a sick joke, that Spencer's not the victim of suspected sexual assault.

"Are you here for the sexual assault case?" A woman asks, stepping out of a room. A room where Spencer must be.

"We are," Tanner says after a moment, debating what she's to do from here. "Detective Tanner, Officer Cavanaugh," She says, "What have we got?"

"Seventeen year old female, the man who brought her in identified her as Spencer Hastings," she says, gesturing to Ezra. "She was found in an alley outside of his coffee shop, underneath bags of garbage. There was a puncture wound in her hand, a facial laceration which we've stitched up, and some cuts on her body. Three required stitches, there's several others that didn't," The doctor says, looking at the chart. "The cuts indicate a knife, sharp knife. She also has a few sprained ribs, as well as a concussion caused by blunt force trauma to the head."

"And the suspected assault?" Tanner voices Toby's thoughts, because he can't talk, he can barely think.

"We can't be sure," Doctor Ross says, bowing her head. "Though psychological signs point to it, as Miss Hastings won't let me examine her. She nearly had a full blown meltdown when I tried."

"Has she said anything?" Tanner inquires, and the doctor shakes her head.

"Nothing. You three are her friends?" The doctor asks, as Aria, Emily, Hanna, Ezra and Caleb had crowded around them, wanting to hear what was going on. The girls nod, and she says, "It may help if one of you were there with her. Oftentimes a friend or family member can be comfort. We need her to consent to do a rape kit, or else any evidence will wash away when she showers, and we need to see if there's any damage. We also need to speak to her parents," She adds. "You can speak to her, Detective. Maybe if you explained what the exam would give us..." The doctor trails off. "She's in room 3."

Tanner's silent for a moment, making decisions, before she turns to Toby. "Cavanaugh, if you go in there, it's as her boyfriend, not as a cop. You can't be on this case," She says firmly. "Understood?"

Toby nods, finally finding it in himself to speak. "Can...Can I see her first, please? I need to see her, she...she can't be alone anymore," he says. He'd left her alone last night. He'd walked away, and then this had happened.

Tanner apparently does have a heart, because she nods, gesturing him towards the room. "Yea, one of you can go with him. Not all of you, I'm sorry, but you can see her later."

The three girls look at each other for a moment, debating who should be the one to go. "I will," Aria finally says, and she and Toby head for the door. For a moment, Toby stands there, his hand on the doorknob. What was he going to see when he opened the door? Knocking lightly, he finally pushes it open, slipping inside.

xXxXx

Spencer was laying on the hospital examination table, curled in the fetal position, holding the sheet they had given her around herself like a shield. They'd drawn her blood, stitched her cuts, done x-rays, had said something about a brain scan. And then the doctor had tried to do an examination, a vaginal examination she'd called it.

She hadn't spoken this whole time, unable to find her voice, not knowing what to say. But when the doctor had told her what the exam entailed, she knew she didn't want it. She didn't want to be exposed again, violated. And so she'd moved into the fetal position, shaken her head, wrapping the sheet around herself. When the doctor had tried to ask her what had happened, she'd just stared out the window, away from the door. She hears a soft knock, and then it opens, but she doesn't turn around. Two people step in, and then the door shuts again, one person moving forward. "Spencer." It's Toby's voice, soft, concerned, other emotions that she can't identify.

At the sound of his voice, her eyes fill with tears, tears she'd managed to keep at bay until that point, but she doesn't turn around.

He can hear her start to cry, and his heart falls, as he moves around to the other side of the table. Aria stays by the door, giving him the moment, and he slowly moves closer, reaching out and gently resting his hand against hers. Most of her is covered by the sheet, he can barely see her eyes, and he leans closer. "Spencer, I'm so...I'm so sorry, baby," He says. "I'm sorry about last night, I'm sorry about scaring you, and I'm sorry about walking away," Toby says, the words falling out, tears stinging at his eyes at the sight of her like this. "I'm so sorry."

She doesn't recoil from his touch, even though her first instinct is to do just that. Because after it passes, she knows it's Toby. She can see him, hear him, she knows him, knows what he feels like against her. The tears start coming quicker, flooding down her face, sobs taking over her body. The kind that takes your breath away, the kind that hurts.

"Spencer," Toby says his own voice breaking, "It's...it's going to be ok, you're going to be ok, I promise," He says, reaching up, gently pulling the sheet back so it's not covering her face. She resists for less than a second, before allowing him to, and he gently rests his hand against her face. There's a cut, with a bandage on it on her forehead, a bruise on her cheek. But the biggest difference is her eyes, they're so dull, empty. She reaches up, her hand shaking as she puts it over his, holding on. "Can you say something, please?" Toby asks, his thumb gently stroking her cheek. "If you don't want to, that's ok, too," He adds, not wanting to push her. "I just want to hear your voice," Toby said softly.

For a moment, she just looks at him, tears rolling down her face. She opens her mouth a few times, trying to figure out what to say, what she wants to say, and fails, closing it. Finally, she whispers through the tears, "Don't leave me. P-please, don't leave me."

Toby nods, reaching with his other hand to push her hair gently back, away from her face. "I won't, baby. I promise, I'm not going to leave you. I'm right here, Spence, I'll be here the whole time. As long as you want, whenever you want," He promised her, meaning it. He'd take time off, he'd do anything to be with her.

All he could keep thinking was that if he hadn't walked away, if he had been with her for the night like they'd planned, this wouldn't have happened. Her parents were out of town, and she hated being in her house alone, sleeping without anyone there. He was going to stay with her for the duration of their trip, but then everything had happened. Last night had happened. He had walked away, left her there by herself. It was his fault. He'd let this happen to her. He'd walked away from her, the one person he was sure that he loved, and she'd been attacked. Assaulted. If he hadn't walked away, then they would have talked, they would have worked their stuff out, they would have gone back to her place together. But he had walked away, and this had happened to her.

"Hold me, p-please," Spencer chokes out, and he carefully wraps his arms around her, bringing her head against his chest, stroking her hair. He knows that in the hours since he'd last seen her, she hasn't gotten smaller, but in his arms, it feels like she is, like she's tensed up, as though she were trying to make herself smaller.

"Ok," He whispers, feeling her tears soaking through his shirt as he holds her, and a tears falls down his own cheek, falling into her hair.

He would never forgive himself for this.


	3. Chapter 3

_Title: Gone Too Far _  
><em>Summary: After Toby walks away from her, instead of going home, Spencer follows a dark hooded figure into an alley, wanting to end the whole thing. But when A takes it too far, harms Spencer in disgusting ways, will the end be in sight? Will her friends, will Toby be able to help hold her together? Spobycentric story. May contain content triggering for some, read at own risk.<br>_

_Author's note: Sorry the wait was a little longer. I've started classes again, but this chapter is longer so that hopefully makes up for it! Please please please review, and let me know what you think! To those asking, Spencer's parents will indeed be involved :) Enjoy!  
><em>

_-Jen_

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><p><strong>Chapter Three<br>**

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><p>Toby isn't sure how many minutes pass, but he doesn't care. He would stand there for days just holding her, if it would make her feel better. He stands there, his arms wrapped around her, not saying anything for a while.<p>

"A-Aria's here too," Toby finally says. Aria steps forward tentatively, moving to the other side of the table.

"Hey, Spence," She says softly. "I'm here, and Hanna and Emily, they're right outside with Caleb and Ezra. Tanner...Tanner said only one of us should come in." When Spencer doesn't say anything, Aria pauses a moment, before going on. "I um, I called your mom. She didn't pick up, but I left a message. Is...is there anything else that I can do?" She asks softly.

Spencer is quiet for a few moments, Toby is sure she's not going to answer. But then she turns her head so the side is resting against him, so she can talk though she doesn't look at her. "C-could you ask Hanna or Emily to go to my house?" She whispers. "Clothes."

Aria nods, "Of course. Anything in particular? Pajamas?"

"Toby's shirt," She mutters. "With the sleeves."

She was in a hospital gown, and she felt so exposed. She wanted her clothes, her bed, her house. "Home. I wanna go home, and shower," She says, a new wave of tears coming, and she turns against him again as Aria slips out of the room, the door shutting behind her.

He so desperately wanted to give her what she wants. To let her shower, to bring her home, to hold her and never let go. But he knows that if they have any hope of getting who did this, she needs to have the exam done. That if she showers, evidence will be washed away. He knows that not only as a cop, but as her boyfriend, he wants her to do it because he wants this bastard to pay. Hating himself, he leans back so he can look at her. He gently rests his hands against her face, looking in her eyes. "I know. And I want to take you there, and I will. But Spence, I...I have to ask you to please, please do the exam," He says, and she starts shaking her head in his hand. She knew that she should, she watched Law and Order SVU, and she wasn't stupid. She knew that it was to collect evidence, but the thought of being touched there by anyone, let alone a stranger...it made her want to be sick.

"I know you feel violated, and I know you feel exposed," He says, his thumbs wiping away the tears. "And I don't want you to feel anymore pain, that's the last thing I want," Toby tells her. "But if you don't, all the evidence, it'll go away, and we won't have it, so we won't be able to make him pay."

She's silent for a moment, looking at him. "Do you want me to do it as a cop, or as my Toby?" Spencer says, her voice still in a whisper. She had meant to say boyfriend, but it had just come out like that, and it fit.

"Both," Toby says back softly. "Your Toby wants you to do what's best for you. And it's not my place, to decide what that is. But this...this gives a chance of making whoever hurt you pay. I know it's asking you to be exposed again, and I know it's asking you to share what happened when you probably just want to forget," Toby tells her. "But I want you to feel safe, and I want you to feel like some justice is found," He says. "And this will make that more likely."

Spencer looks back at him for a moment, feeling positively defeated. Could she do that for him? Could she do it for herself? She hadn't thought it possible, feeling more unsafe, more vulnerable than with A. But gosh, she'd been so, so incredibly wrong. This was a whole new level of A, and she didn't know if she had it in her to fight after this. And what good would it do, really? They fought and sleuthed and tried to figure it out, but nothing ever worked.

"It won't do any good," She finally whispers. "A never pays for anything. The, the police, they never help us," Spencer shakes her head, tears rolling down her face again, as she averts her eyes downwards. "They never help me."

Toby's chest tightens, his throat going dry. "A?" He whispers. "Who was it? Did you see their face? What, what did they sound like?" Toby asks, the questions coming to him and firing out rapidly. He's about to go on but then he sees her tears have picked up again and she's shaking her head. "I'm sorry," He says quickly, rubbing her back, pulling her in against his chest again, enabling her to bury her face against him. "I'm so sorry, baby, I just...I want to get whoever did this to you," Toby sighs, shutting his eyes as he holds her. "I want to help you I want to make him, and Alison...all of them pay."

As she cries, Spencer's thoughts are on overdrive. She can remember what happened in spurts, it comes back and she pieces it together. Unsure of whether or not it's the head injury or her mind trying to protect herself, she wishes that she could just forget. But she knows that's not possible. Spencer knows that she could try to stuff the memories into a box, a tiny box, file it away in her brain and never think about it again. But it wouldn't work, especially not when her now worst nightmare was also the hooded figure that she dealt with all the time. A wasn't just going to go away now, it wasn't over. It all makes her feel sick, her stomach churning, and she pulls away from Toby as she has a fleeting thought. What if they tried going after Aria or Hanna or Emily next?

She tries to tell him to get out of the way, but when she tries to speak, she vomits instead. All over Toby. His shirt, his pants, even his shoes, everything she ate last night appearing. Spencer tries to apologize as tears run down her face, but he shushes her, grabbing a sheet to hastily wipe himself off, and moving to gently move her hair back, grabbing a bucket and sliding it under her chin. He rubs her back as she starts to dry heave, nothing left in her stomach to come up, and at that point the doctor comes back.

"Oh dear," Dr. Ross says, calling for a nurse and hurrying in. The nurse takes the basin, handing Spencer a clean one to hold, though nothing's coming up anymore, the occasional dry heave punctuating her tears.

"Hayley, can you please get the officer some scrubs to change into? The ones they give the fathers in the OR," The doctor says, the nurse nodding and hurrying out. "We're going to move you to a new room, Miss Hastings," She then says. "A real room, it'll be more comfortable, ok?"

Spencer doesn't answer her though, looking back at Toby. "I'll do it," She whispers. "I...I'll have the exam. But I want it now, I want it over with," Spencer says, tears silently falling down her cheeks. "And I-I want you to stay with me."

"The whole time," Toby says. "I'm not going to go anywhere, Spencer, I promise. Not anymore," He tells her, feeling small relief that she had said she'd do it. The nurse comes back, handing him the scrubs, and pointing him into the bathroom. "I'm going to change. I'll be quick," He promises her softly. "Don't move her until I'm done," Toby then says to the doctor, using what Spencer had once called his "cop voice." She had said it commanded authority, that it was sexy. That seemed so long ago, now. He slips into the bathroom only once Spencer nods that it's ok, and he removes his gun and everything in record time, changing out of his uniform and into the scrubs. The nurse had also given him a big plastic bag, the kind they give patients for their personal items, and Toby puts his uniform inside of it, before putting his badge in his pocket, attaching the gun holster to his waistband, knowing he couldn't leave that unattended. It took all of two minutes.

In Toby's absence, the nurse brings in a wheelchair, and a clean gown for Spencer to change into, but she shakes her head when the woman tries to help her. Once she's alone, turned away from the side of the floor with her vomit on it, Spencer slips her arms out of the gown. She'd let the nurse untie it, at least. It hurts, her body aching as she slips the fabric off, letting it fall to the floor, and puts her arms through the sleeves of the clean one. She tries, reaching behind herself to tie it together, but it pulls at the stitches on her right arm, and it hurts, so she gives up. Hearing the bathroom door open, she looks up at Toby. He looks strange, in green scrubs with his gun holstered at his side. It was still so strange, seeing him with a gun. Toby was the most nonviolent person she knew. It didn't add up to her.

"I'll help you," Toby says when he sees the gown is untied. Putting the bag with his uniform on a chair, he comes forward, intending to go behind her and tie the gown together.

"Please don't look." Spencer's words stop him, and she looks embarrassed when he looks at her. It feels silly, not wanting her boyfriend to see her back, of all things. He'd seen much more of her before, they'd had sex. He wasn't a stranger; he was her once upon a time, her safe place to land, the love of her life. "I know it's stupid," She says, her voice breaking, and Toby shakes his head.

"It's not stupid. You don't have to explain yourself, Spencer," He says gently. "I'll reach behind you and tie it, ok?" Toby asks, wanting to make sure it's alright with her. She nods, and so Toby does that exactly, gently reaching his arms around her, tying the strands of the gown together into a bow.

It was part she didn't want to be exposed, not to anyone if she could help it, knowing what was coming in the exam. And a part of her was afraid that there were bruises on her back, and she didn't want him to see, didn't want him to know and be upset.

"Thank you." He almost doesn't hear her say it, her voice is so soft, but he looks at her, leaning in hesitantly to gently press a kiss against her forehead.

"I love you, Spencer," Toby says softly. "I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to be with you this whole time. I...I'm sorry that I left you last night," He says. "I shouldn't have, I never should have stormed off, or this-"

Spencer stops him, shaking her head, "No, no, no," She says. "Don't, please don't. Don't say it, don't think it," She insists. "Just don't."

Toby stops talking, looking down but nodding. "Ok," He says softly. A knock sounds on the door, and both Aria and the nurse step in.

"Alright, Miss Hastings, we're going to bring you to the exam room now. Afterwards, you'll be able to shower and then go to a permanent room," The nurse says with a smile.

"I want to go home," Spencer insists, and the nurse gives her a sympathetic look.

"I understand, dear, but we can't discharge you unless it's into the care of your parents or a guardian that they approve. I'll help you into the wheelchair," She says, offering her arm. Toby steps forward, though.

"I can do it," He says. "Is ok if I pick you up?" Toby then asks Spencer.

"I can walk," She murmurs. "It's fine."

"I know you can, I just want to help you. Is it ok?" Toby repeats, not wanting to do anything she was uncomfortable with.

Spencer tries to get down from the table herself, wanting to make the statement that she could, but her body protests in pain and so she stops trying to move and nods, softly saying, "Yea."

With care, Toby gently lifts her from the exam table, one arm under her knees, the other around her back. Cradling her close to his body, he lifts her over to the wheelchair, setting her down in it. The nurse drapes a clean sheet over her lap, and Spencer grips the thin fabric in her hands, holding it down in place.

"Caleb took Hanna to your house, they'll bring back the clothes," Aria says, looking at a loss for what to do next. "Do...you want me to stay with you, or wait with Emily and Ezra?" She finally asks, as the nurse turns the chair towards the door.

"Could you try calling my mom again?" Spencer asks after a moment. "I...I want my mom."

She had no idea how her parents would react, what they would say. But during her parents separation, she and her mother had gotten closer. They didn't always see eye to eye, and they didn't have the most ideal relationship, but she was her mother.

"Of course," Aria says, nodding. "I'll keep calling."

Spencer nods once in thanks, and then the nurse moves the chair forward again. Toby grabs the bag with his stuff, standing by Spencer's side, as Aria leaves the room first. Ezra, Emily, and Tanner look towards the door as the nurse pushes the wheelchair out the door. They all look like they're going to get up, especially Emily and tanner, but the nurse stops them with a look, a slight shake of the head.

Spencer doesn't look at them, at anyone, as the nurse pushes the chair down the hall. She keeps her eyes on her lap, grateful when they reach the room.

Looking at this table though, her stomach churns again. There's stirrups, and she knows what those are for.

Toby again gently lifts her, moving her from the wheelchair to the examination table. "Alright, dear, you can lay back and I'm gonna set up a screen around your waist, so you don't have to see what's going on. The doctor will explain everything that she is going to do."

Spencer nods a little, Toby stepping closer and offering her hand. She takes it, gripping it tightly as though it's a lifeline, anchoring her.

Another knock sounds on the door, and this time the doctor steps in, Detective Tanner following her. Toby steps to the side, more in front of Spencer, as though trying to create a shield for her. "I might be sick again," she murmurs, bowing her head, the hand that's not holding onto his moving against her stomach as her head bows. "I don't want to get it all over your shoes, this time," she adds.

Toby lets out a small chuckle, reaching to gently cup her cheek with his free hand. "Don't worry about that. They can take this as slow as you want, ok? If you want her to stop, just say so."

Spencer nods a little, not saying anything until she asks, "And you won't leave?"

"Not unless you want me to, baby. I promise."

"Ok." Spencer says. "I just wanna get it over with, please."

"Before they start, Spencer, I wanted to see if we could talk while the doctor does the examination," Tanner says.

"Is that really necessary?" Toby cuts in, looking at her, his hands not leaving Spencer, trying to keep her calm.

"Sometimes, talking helps keep your mind off of what's happening. And it's important to take your statement while you still remember," Tanner explains.

"I don't _want_ to remember," Spencer cuts in sharply. "I don't want to do this, I don't want to remember, and I don't want to be here. I want to go home," Spencer tells her, voice breaking. "But I'm doing this. Please, _please_ get _out_. I don't want to talk to you about how I was raped while I get exposed and violated again," Spencer cries, leaning forward to bury her face against Toby, who wraps his arms around her.

It takes his breath away, when she says it. Raped.

"Spencer, I know this is awful," Tanner says gently. "But telling me what happened is important, please-"

"Stop," Toby says firmly, cutting her off, finding his voice again. "You're my boss, and I don't mean to be rude, but get out. Please leave. She doesn't want to talk right now, and I just want her wishes respected. She's been through enough."

Tanner looks at him for a moment, before she nods once. "Of course," she says. "I'll come back later."

Toby nods, and then has a thought. "Can I give this to you?" He asks, putting a hand to the gun on his hip. "I'm not leaving her side, and I won't need it here."

Tanner nods, "Yea. I'll lock it in the safe in the cruiser." Holding her hand out, Toby slips the holster off of his waistband, handing it out to her.

"Thanks," Toby says, his hand moving back to Spencer, resting on her back. Tanner nods, then leaves the room, and Doctor Ross steps forward.

"Whenever you're ready, Spencer," She says gently.

A minute passes, Spencer staying in the comfort of Toby's arms. She takes a deep, shaky breath, expecting to be greeted by the comforting smell of Toby, only the scrubs smell like hospital. Squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, she then opens them and nods, laying back on the bed, putting her legs out straight. The doctor and nurse move the screen to her waist, so she can't see past it.

"Here you go, officer," The nurse says, and Toby turns to see a chair.

"Thank you," He nods, pulling it as close as possible to the exam table, sitting down.

"Spencer, we're going to help put your legs up in the stirrups, ok?" The doctor says.

"Yea," She mutters, turning to look at Toby.

Toby wraps his arm around her shoulders, letting her head rest against him instead of the table, and reaching with his other hand to take hers. "I'm here," He murmurs, leaning close to her ear.

"I don't want to know," Spencer blurts out. "What you're doing, I don't want to know. Please just do it, just get it over with."

The doctor looks at her for a moment, nodding. "Alright," She murmurs. "We just need you to sign here, consenting to the exam." She hands over a clipboard and a pen, and Toby lets go of her hand to hold to clipboard for her. Spencer shakily signs the line, and Toby hands it back, taking her hand again.

It takes an hour, for the doctor and nurse to complete everything that has to be done while she's on the table. Swabs, exams, poking, prodding, scraping under her fingernails, even photographs. Spencer doesn't say anything, the whole time. She just lays there, her eyes either shut or on Toby, her hand gripping his. He stays there the whole time, whispering in her ear, a constant reminder that he's there.

"Alright, Spencer," The doctor finally says. "Now we just need to take photos, of your injuries, and we'll have to draw some blood and do a cheek swab," She says, coming around the curtain so she can speak to her. "We'll take samples from you, too, if that's ok," She adds to Toby. "A cheek swab. We generally ask for samples from the significant other, so if there's any trace of your DNA, we can rule it out."

Toby nods, "Sure, anything I can do."

"Why do you want my blood?" Spencer asks, voice cracking.

"It's for a few reasons," The doctor says. "We want to be able to run a test, for HIV and other STIs. You'll need to come back in six months to be tested again," She tells her. "And we also need to test for existing pregnancy, if there's any chance that you are, so we can give you the morning after pill," The doctor says gently. "Your attacker did not use a condom, we were able to obtain DNA. But that also puts you at risk."

All the information is overwhelming, the words swirl through Spencer's head, words like HIV and STIs, testing, pregnancy, morning after pill, condom.

She squeezes her eyes shut, tears rolling down her face as she nods. "I...I had my period last week," Spencer tells her through the tears. "I'm not pregnant."

"Ok," The doctor says gently. "We'll get you the pill as soon as we're done here. There's two doses, we'll explain more later. I'm going to take a photograph of your face now, to document the injuries, ok? You can shut your eyes. I'll need you to move your arm," She says to Toby. He nods, moving his arm from under her, though he still holds her hand.

Spencer shuts her eyes, laying still as the doctor takes the photograph. They move the screen, and have her sit up so they can take more photographs. Of her stomach, to capture the bruises, of her hand, to get the puncture injury, of the other cuts.

Toby tries not to look when they photograph her stomach, chest, and back, because he knows she doesn't want him to see, but she also doesn't want him to leave, she holds onto his hand until the doctor asks him to let go and he can't help but see. Every cut, every bruise makes him grow angrier and angrier, sicker and sicker.

Once all the photos are done, Toby wraps his arms around her, lets her hide her face against him again, as the nurse draws her blood and then does the cheek swab. He doesn't let go of her as they do his cheek, and then finally it's over.

"Alright, Spencer," The doctor says. "You did wonderfully. I'm so sorry, about what happened, and that we had to do that. Jackie is going to bring you to your room now, and you can take a shower. She's also going to give you the pill. I'm sure your friend is back now, so you'll be able to get into comfortable clothes and relax."

Relax. What did that even mean? Spencer didn't know anymore, she hadn't for a long time. And it definitely wasn't going to happen anytime soon. She doesn't say anything, just nods at the doctor, and puts her arms around Toby's neck so he can lift her back to the wheelchair.

They step into the hall again, the nurse pushing the chair, Toby holding her hand at the side. When they step out, Hanna, Emily and Aria come forward. Hanna looks unsure of what to do, what to say, but she steps forward. "Hey, Spence," She says gently. "I uh, got these from your house. If you want anything else, we can go back, it's no problem. And I found some of your stuff," She adds to Toby. "So I grabbed that, too. Sweatpants," Hanna says.

"Thank you," Toby nods, taking the bag from her.

"And Aria was able to get in contact with your mom," Emily offers, wanting to be able to say something to make Spencer feel better.

"Yea," Aria nods, "She finally picked up. I...didn't tell her much, but she said she was going to get on the next flight. She's going to call back when she has one."

Spencer nods, whispers, "Thank you."

The nurse pushes forward, leaving the girls there as she heads to the elevator. "Once she's settled, if she's up for visitors, we'll come get you," She tells them, backing the chair inside.

Spencer looks up as the door clothes, catching them looking at her, looking lost, much like she feels. She didn't know what to say to them, what to do. They had trusted her, to lead them in figuring this whole thing out. Somehow, she'd become the leader of this fight against A. And she'd failed them. She'd failed. Again.


End file.
